Proportionate force

The lovely Mr. UN Secretary General conflated the attitudes of world in one concise position. He stated that while Israel has the right to defend itself (Bush administration position), he condemns the use of "excessive force" (position of almost all non US governments, laughably including Russia, China, Iran and other paragons of war moderation). I suppose that he means by this that if Israel kills 20 civilians in trying to kill 400 Hamas soldiers hiding behind them, and Hamas kills only a handful of civilians among the hundreds that they are trying to kill, this is disproportionate. In other words, you may defend yourself as long as you don't win, or make too big a mess. What the heck is "disproportionate", shooting more, killing more? That used to be called "winning".

But new rules of engagement need to be drawn for the Middle East to suit the UN. Israel may defend itself by asking the missile crews of Gaza to "please" stop shooting at their kindergartens. However, "pretty please" would be disproportionate.

Official UN counters should be placed to count every missile shot toward Sederot and Ashkelon. The Israelis would then be allowed to take an equal number of shots, from an equal distance at Palestinian civilian centers.

Official UN counters should count every "Death to Jews" chanted in Gaza. Jews in Israel would then be allowed to chant an equal number of "Death to the Arabs", until the UN watchdogs told them they must stop.

When a Palestinian steals a bulldozer and runs over 6 people in a crowded city street in Jerusalem, Israel would be allowed to go to Khan Yunis, steal a bulldozer, and indiscriminately run over 6 and only 6 civilians.

When Iran vows to wipe Israel off the map, Israel may vow to wipe Iran off the map. Promising, intimating, and certainly, threatening are excessive. Actually possessing the arms with which to do it is unthinkable barbarianism. If Iran threatens to kill every man, woman and child in Israel, Israel must count that number of people, say 6 million, and then they may threaten to kill 6 million Iranian men, women and children, certainly not more.

If Iran threatens to attack Jewish communities around the world, Israel may threaten an equal number of Iranians living around the world.

For every news story falsely claiming that dozens of Palestinians were killed, Israel would be allowed to publicize and exactly equal number of false claims.

Notably, Obama has shown the backbone expected. His position is not to take a position. Fortunately, as he keeps telling us, there is only one president at a time. I guess he is just a guy in the neighborhood. I suppose he has right not to condemn either side, or make stupid comments like the UN SG. But just which side are you on Mr. President Elect? The side that you fundraised for and the side that openly endorsed you in the election, or the side that produced 78% of its adherents to actually vote for you, the side with which you professed to empathize? Is there a spine anywhere in your past of future or are you just a devolved invertebrate? You cannot be both a Zionist empathizer and a Hamas booster. Pick a side! Maybe you should have looked into this before the campaign!

The weekly Obama

Today begins the Jewish holiday of Hanukah. 2200 years ago a Jewish army pushed a large Syrian force out of their country. They were defending religous freedom. Today, Obama accused the Macabees of clinging to spears and religion.

The holiday is celebrated by burning oil. Obama administration officials have announced a global warming Hanukah tax to combat this pressing issue. He will allow limited drilling for olives in coastal areas.

For the last two days the northeast has been buried in record snowstorms and cold temperatures. To keep the heat up at the UN, the IPCC burned its last predictions on global warming.

Addressing gun advocates, Obama said, "do not worry, you and your guns are safe." Wasn't that their argument against gun control all along? Of course, they are safe. THEY HAVE GUNS!

Oil prices dropped to record lows. Anti - Bush forces claimed that high prices were engineered by Bush. What will they say about record low prices? I know, more Bush incompetence.

Obama announced that the economy will get worse before it gets better. Sure, now you tell us, after we elected you.

The Iranian government announced their disappointment that Obama is preparing to follow the same disappointing policies of the past. More outpouring of world love and affection for Obama's election. MSNBC reporters were dumbfounded.

Biden said today, "To President Elect Obama I said that I want a commitment from you that in every important decision you'll make, every critical decision, economic and political as well as foreign policy, I'll get to be in the room.  Every single solitary appointment he has made thus far, I have been in the room, the recommendations I have made in most cases, coincidentally, have been the recommendations that he's picked, not because I made them, but because we think a lot alike."  Then he said, "coincidentally, when I told President-Elect Obama to get me a cup of coffee, he brought it right away.  We were thinking the same thing."

Obama responded that even though he had been there daily for each meeting, he had no idea what Biden was saying.  Welcome to our world, Mr. President Elect.

Reverend Wright was not invited to make an invocation at the inauguration.  He has been close to Obama for 20 years, but Obama is afraid to have him around.  Wright said something about Obama being too chicken to let him roost.

Farrakhan also was not invited.  He said he would watch the proceedings from the mother spaceship hovering over Washington.  He'll have the Honorable Elijah Mohammed hover nice and close.

Obama is taking a lot of heat for selecting Rick Warren to give the invocation.   We know that Obama is extremely discriminating about choosing his religious spokesmen.  Gays are saying that Rev. Warren is extremely anti-gay.  They got the impression when he began his last sermon, "G-d bless homosexuals?  No, No, No!!! ..."

The reverend also cringed at references to the scandal around filling Obama's seat.

Biden said the measure of economic success in an Obama administration would be whether the middle class was growing.  Then he added, as rich families join the ranks of the middle class, it should grow even more.

Today the Obama team announced, regarding the scandal around Illinois governor, Rod Blagojevitch, exactly who was responsible for Blago's haircut.  Repercussions could be harsh.

In order to get in touch with the middle class, Obama is celebrating the holidays the way that every middle class family does.  He went to vacation in Hawaii for, like, the 4th time this year.  In all fairness, he was born in Hawaii.  He lived there for a few months as a baby.  The place is like home to him.

As we all know, Hawaii was the 50th state to join the union.  The President Elect says that one of his first priorities when he enters office is to find out what the Bush administration did with the other 7 states.

More Obama monologues

The late night hosts have complained that they can't find anything humorous to say about Obama, other than fawning reverence. Here are yet more suggestions.

An Iraqi reporter threw both his shoes at President Bush. In Washington, Nancy Pelosi said, "You can do that??"

In Iraq, throwing shoes at someone is the biggest insult you can give someone. Offering him a flock of sheep in exchange for his daughter, not so much, but shoes.... !!!!!

Yesterday, a Yale professor listed the hundred most memorable quotes of 2008, mostly from the campaign. Not a single Obama quote. However, Tina Fey's parody of Palin's comment about Russia topped the list. In trying to explain that Alaska was in true proximity to Russia, and a "border state", Palin mentioned that you could see Russia from the western islands of Alaska. Fey parodied her as saying "I can see Russia from my house". This, in the professor's opinion, pointed out to many people her inexperience and lack of knowledge. Thank G-d we elected a guy for vice president who was a senator for 2 full years. oops make that PRESIDENT.

He said that McCain's comment, that the fundamentals of the economy are sound, showed him to be out of touch. Meanwhile back in Illinois, Gov. Blagojevitch said, "what do you mean? Anyone with some ambition can make LOTS of money in this economy!"

He did not include Obama's famed "guns and religion" quote, though "it was close". What does it say about our electorate that the president-elect, promoted entirely on his oratory abilities, does not have a single one of the top memorable quotes. As for Biden, the professor said that he didn't include people who need their own list.

Speaking of Blagojevitch, investigators claim to be able to recognize the voice of Rahm Emmanuel, negotiating with the governor. Actually, they weren't sure it was Emanuel until he threatened that if he didn't get what he wanted, Blago's goldfish would be "sleeping with the fishes". Emanuel's involvement on behalf of Obama's favored candidate implies bad things for Obama. Obama's spokesman said, "Clinton was right, 'is' really is a tricky word to define."

Obama says that his administration will move quickly on the most pressing issue, global warming. All of you in the Hudson Valley are relieved, I'm sure.

Plenty of material

Leno and Letterman again whined that Obama doesn't produce the kind of material that previous presidents and president-elects have. He is just too solemn and perfect it seems. Are you guys listening?

Rice was apparently not successful in the latest round of diplomacy in India. Fortunately, terrorists are expected to hand in their weapons and give up now that Obama is elected and everyone loves us. At least on MSNBC.

Obama has successfully defused Rev. Wright, and pulled away from him. During the campaign, Obama claimed he had no idea what Jeremiah Wright was saying for 20 years of consistent attendence. I have hard time believing that. If he did not know what his wife was saying for 20 years, I could accept it, but not his preacher.

He also did not know the history of his famous acquaintence Bill Ayers. Nor did he know the genocidal pretentions of Khalid Rashidi, nor did he understand the award given to Farrakhan by Rev. Wright. And he is not quite sure what those guys in the turbans mean by "Death to America". He never heard them say it. He will look into it.

He isn't quite sure about his birthplace either. He was very young at the time.

Michelle Obama says this is the first time she has been proud of her country since we elected Rueben over Clay on American idol.

See guys, not so hard.

More of same

Jokes you won't hear on late night or SNL. But for democracy to survive, someone must do it.

Obama chose Biden for his 35 years of Senate service. 35 years, now that is a seasoned ticket. Between them that would make, oh, about 37 years of experience.

Obama was listed as the #1 liberal before the election, ahead of Biden at #3 and Socialist Sanders at #2. Now I see why he bristled at being called a socialist. He didn't want to be classified with the right wing. Those conservatives over in Moscow are going to challenge him right away. No wonder you need an elephant on the right, just to keep the government from tipping over.

A MSNBC correspondent expressed his disappointment this weekend that terrorists weren't stopping their violent acts after Obama's election. He thought the world would love us now that we had elected Obama. Meanwhile, the correspondent is flying to England to do a documentary on why that German guy started a war, even though England had a popular prime minister.

There is a lot of excitement about Gitmo closing. Make the terrorists go back to live in Afghanistan, that'll teach 'em.

Dems are angry that Obama has chosen Gates to remain Secretary of Defense. They wanted him to select an established moderate realist from the Democrat party, experienced in military matters and supported by generals, like, um, uh, um ... Hmmmm, I can't think of anyone either.

Obama supports efforts to bring Joe Lieberman back to the Dem fold. He thinks that we need to let bygones be bygones, at least until he can show Franken how to steal the Minnesota election and get the 60th vote.

Election officials may audit Obama's campaign, with its unaccounted foreign donations and secret donor lists. Obama is trying to find someone who has experience handling deep financial investigations, explaining away lost records and dancing around shady accounting practices. He has a potential candidate, but he wonders how she can handle the investigation and the State Department at the same time.

Saxby Chambliss won back his seat in a landslide, despite efforts by Obama and millions of dollars spent on Martin's campaign. ACORN activists were seen dejectedly removing campaign signs from the cemetaries and park benches.

Obama angrily retorted that they should have listening better in his classes.

Obama now has 59 votes in the senate. While he does not have a filibuster-proof block, at least he is guaranteed a majority among the 57 states.