Jokes you won't hear on late night

Bruce Springsteen has been invited to the inauguration. For reasons unexplained, Obama will not allow him to play "Born in the USA".

The price of oil is down and the heat in my building is way up. I was sweating like Obama with his teleprompter on the blink.

Obama is very concerned about how to react to the Mumbai terror attack. Biden has already suggested boycotting slurpees in retaliation.

Obama is discussing implementing his tax cuts for small businesses, like his new friend Joe the auto maker.

Some have suggested a special day set aside for Obama. He would join Martin Luther King, Abe Lincoln, and other great American figures who actually did something.

Today Obama clarified that Oprah was a just "a talk show host in the neigborhood".

The numbers show that Obama / Biden got far more positive and far less negative coverage than the Republicans. MSNBC, Politico and a Time editor have admitted that (and I quote) "Senators Obama and Biden received much more positive coverage than their opponents, the old, senile guy and and the ditzy hot chick."

Obama did not publicly thank the SNL cast for all of the support they gave him throughout the campaign. He didn't want to be smeared as the guy who pals around with comedians.

Obama is now trying to downplay expectations that his administration is going to fix everything. I don't know when his campaign ever gave us that idea.

Policians always take a posture during the campaign. Their actions after they are elected are the one "change we can believe it".

Can't he just turn fish into loaves of bread or something?

Obama will enter office with highest positive rating of any polician in recent memory. Do you think the press and late night shows had anything to do with it?

A consultant with MSNBC admitted that he made up a misquote about Gov. Palin not knowing that Africa is a continent. And recently, Obama said he mispoke when he said that he could see Nairobi from his birthplace.

Reporters tried to speak to Obama after one of his gym workouts, where they found him a bit grungy and sweaty. But don't worry Mr. Biden, at least he is still articulate.

Hillary Clinton will become secretary of state. She wants to answer the phone in the White House at 3AM. She will be relieved just to answer the phone and find anyone on the other end who is not a 20 year old female wanting to speak to her husband. (OK, you might hear this one on late night.)

More to come